TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR

Ok, we all do it, but it’s time to man up. Put down the rock you were about to throw at the people in your life that you allow to frustrate you, and take a good look in the mirror. Yeah, people screw up, people make mistakes, people do wrong things…but who are we do judge them when we screw up, we make mistakes, and we do wrong things sometimes? You want to really learn how to love, love like God does, without judgment, without condition…love them through whatever they are going through, even if it hurts you. Even if it seems likes they are being evil. It is possible to set healthy boundaries and not take on their problems but still love them. That’s just not the most obvious thing we want to do…we want to grab ahold of them and make them stop, or make them behave in a more loving way. But that is not our job. That’s God’s job. I’m not saying to allow people to hurt you, of course, if it is too hard to be around them without being able to establish a healthy boundary, then you must back away and love them from a distance.

I know it’s easier to blame the people in our lives hurting us and wallow in it, waiting endlessly for them to stop and see what they are doing, but it is NOT the way, the truth, or the light. Everything from what family we are born into down to every person in our lives is OUR CHOICE. We put them there to learn something. So man up, look in the mirror, and say I chose this path for a reason, what can I learn from it? And how can I handle it the way God would want me to? Sometimes I even sit in a quiet place when I am just at my wits end and say God…speak…I’m listening. Then I listen for His instruction. He usually tells me always just to love. Love myself, love others, and speak and act out of this love, no matter what is happening. I don’t always listen but I’m learning to. I’m human, and so are you.Furthermore…unhappiness and happiness are both personal, conscious choices and we have the ability to choose whatever we want. I’ve been struggling with this concept as I have not been able to be happy much of the time without someone loving me. After realizing how deeply I’ve been only hurting myself all these years, I finally realized what was stopping me from choosing happiness without someone making me happy, I didn’t believe I deserved to be loved unconditionally, and I didn’t love myself unconditionally. These destructive beliefs we carry sometimes are so deep-routed and have been there since childbirth, that it takes a long time and deep reflection to be able to uncover what they are and how to let them go or change them. My mom told me the other day that when I was born my family didn’t come see me at the hospital, they were so excited about my brother’s birth a year before, that they didn’t think or feel much about another baby for some reason. They didn’t care much either when I got home from the hospital or even throughout my life, even though my mother did. This somehow planted these unhealthy beliefs about not deserving love deep inside my subconscious. I am 32 now so it took that many years to uncover such an important piece of my life puzzle, one that directed my emotional system and caused many years of disease and suffering. You see when your subconscious map isn’t in line with the ground you are walking on, you will feel overwhelming degrees of sadness, anger, betrayal, and even lost and this makes it almost impossible to ever choose happiness even if we wanted to. Because we are not ultimately being ourselves. And we discover who we are when we love ourselves unconditionally. When we realize that God is love and God lives in us and through us, that when our map lines up with the ground again. I was loving God unconditionally but hating myself, constantly at war, without peace. I was a walking paradox.

So when someone cuts you off when you’re driving, love them anyway. When your significant other is being selfish and hurting you, love them anyway. When your children are not behaving how you raised them to, love them anyway….The real happy place comes when you just focus on your own problems. Look in your mirror and reflect on your good and your bad…then love yourself unconditionally. Even if you don’t like your hair, or your weight, or your lack of motivation at times…love yourself anyway. Being selfless and having the ability to really help others is a lot easier when we are healthy, when we are humble, and when we are in that place of living out of love. A great friend once told me that ultimately, each one of our journeys here on earth has only ever been about learning to love ourselves first, fully, and unconditionally, as God loves us. If we accomplish only this in our lifetime we have succeeded.

Be an extension of God’s love –>all the dis’s will fade away (disharmony, dislike, disease….) and all the pro’s will come your way (progress, promises, protection, and providence).

Say this affirmation out loud three times then use your inner voice and say it three times with your eyes closed: “I know exactly who I am when I love myself unconditionally.”

CONTROL+ALT+DELETE

We are taught to face reality way before we are taught that we must create our own reality.  Life is strange that way.  Almost seems backwards.  But I think it is to show us what we must do exactly to change things.  If we don’t know the bad how are we to determine what is good?  It’s the whole duality of life.  Without sadness we would not know what happiness even looked like.  And without failure we would not know what success really is. We don’t really know better until after we have walked down the path of not knowing better.  So looking back in order to project a new future, I have learned that I must move forward with a reality I want to create.  And the only reality that truly exists through my eyes is the one I have focused into being.  Same goes for you, we all create our own realities.

Statistics tell us supposed “facts” based off of past experiences.  But what statistics are about any reality created right at this moment?  None.  If nothing is impossible with God why do we constantly rely, make inferences, and base our decisions off of observable averages of past behaviors to predict the future outcomes of unobservable quantities?  Often setting into motion the very things we do not want, instead of stating exactly what it is we want and believing in God not man.  The more I learn, the more I realize that any one piece of information may be true, but ultimately it is a narrow-minded way of operating.  Opening our minds, hearts, and souls to God and letting Him instruct us is really the only valid way to learn anything of true value, of truth in general.  Through Christ and Christ alone we must put all our understanding, all of our hope, and all of our will…not man and not knowledge from man.

 “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

I’ve learned a great deal these past few months on this new journey that God has laid out for me.  It has been hard at times, painful even…but it also has been wondrous and exciting and the closest I’ve felt to being near God since I was a child.  There are so many things that are thrown into your path to teach you when you finally wake up and want to create a reality that is your own instead of letting life control you. Everything I have learned and am still learning I can’t possibly write it all out although I wish I could. However, I can say this…it all starts with now and the conscious decision to do God’s will and discover your true purpose in this life.  Once you’ve made that decision, stand up and start walking in the spirit.  Be prepared for anything to come your way by putting on God’s armor (Ephesians 6:11-13) and don’t sway or back down, just keep going.  There is nothing—no thought, action, or belief—on your path you choose that is so severe that you can’t go back a few steps and reverse it, choosing another path.  I close my eyes, ask God to guide me, and pretend I am typing out (creating) my life on how I want it to go.  When it starts getting uncomfortable and I find myself struggling or getting ill, I picture me pushing control+alt+delete on the keyboard, ending the process I have created for myself that isn’t working.  Then I pray at that very moment and say…”Lord…speak, I’m listening…”  And He then tells me where to go from there.  You’ll be amazed once you try this to see all of the things fall into place and how you don’t have to do anything to put them there besides closing your eyes and asking God for them to appear.

 

YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO- Finding Your Happiness

Inspired by Doctor Gordon Livingston, a great man of insight, and my new life in North Carolina 

The three components to happiness are:

1. Something to Do– useful/meaningful work
2. Someone to Love– sustaining relationships
3. Something to Look Forward To– promise of pleasure

How many of you go to the doctor because you told that your consistent unhappiness is a result of a chemical imbalance?  Why is that?  Because it is easier to pin it on science than the fact that it is just too difficult to change the way we look at living with an eye for CHANGE.  Happiness is not as simple as a boost of hormones or an absence of despair…it is an favorable state in which our lives have both meaning and pleasure.

How much do you rely on what you want?…what you intend?  These are dreams and wishes and are of little value in changing our mood.  Although it is good to have dreams and wants, they should not be in the front seat driving, they should be a guide or navigator.  If they are driving you will constantly feel impatient, discouraged, and build up hardness in your heart because we can’t always get what we want when we want it.  Use your dreams as a guide, be grateful for what you already have, and then focus on the moment and what little things you can do to make you happy.

Proverbs 13:2- “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”  

We are not what we say, what we think, what we eat, how we feel…we are what we do.  Our behavior shapes who we are.  Yes we must think and feel to figure out our next moves…but it is mainly our actions that make up your true self.  Do you find yourself mostly thinking and talking, or actually walking?

Ponder this…how many people say they are good people that never lie, cheat, steal, or judge…but in reality, their actions portray different?  When all is said and done, more is said than done.  In relationships we must also pay attention not to what they promise to us, but how they behave.  This simple rule could prevent much pain and misunderstandings…the viruses of human relationships.  How many times do we have to feel surprised or betrayed because of this very truth before we start paying attention to their actions more than their words?  Past behavior is the most reliable predictor of future behavior.  Yes some people change and it is not fair to judge harshly.  Trust, but verify.  Keep your eyes open to caution signs and lines of communication open regarding these signs.  If they don’t want to talk about it, this usually tells me they have not yet changed.

This concept to me is the reason behind the boredom pandemic of this generation which leads to an unquenchable thirst for entertainment and stimulation that is devoid of meaning.  Many are afraid of the risks it takes to improve their lives…choosing the bland, repetitive, and predictable (comfort zone) actions.  There are a lot of actions that we could be doing instead that give us the feeling of personal significance…whether it be golf, avocations that lend meaning to our lives, or volunteering.  It’s not the activity, or the weight (small or large), it is how it makes you feel that matters.  If you don’t know what makes you happy, go out and try new things until you find ones that do.  While doing this, ask yourself each time if you feel a sense of significance or meaning because of it?

That covers the something to do aspect of happiness, now let’s look at someone to love.  Many of us have difficulty in defining love.  So I will keep it simple…love is when the importance of someone else’s needs or desires either rises to the level of your own, or exceeds it.  The more they exceed, the deeper you love them.  Yes, love is sacrifice.  Think about what you would do in a situation where it were you and them in a dangerous situation, would you risk your life to protect them, or are you just “saying” that?  This is why the truth is the path to love…knowing you truly do love someone, and would sacrifice for them without doubt…leads to feelings of love…and this leads to actions.  How do know if someone truly loves us?…look at their behaviors…do they demonstrate their love for you in their actions towards you?  (quality time, putting your needs ahead of theirs, show you respect and kindness?)

I am guilty of being a wishful thinker…carrying around inside of me the idea of a perfect love, unqualified acceptance by another, and lifelong happiness.  This makes me quite vulnerable to the worst kinds of deceptions and disillusionment, an indulgence of the hope that I have found the person that will endlessly love me exactly as I am…ignoring any incongruent behaviors that are contrary to true love.  So to speak I have loved the truck that ran over me…

God is LOVE, and the only path to God is in truth…especially in being completely honest with yourself and others…this is real love, not just affection or adoration.  Therefore I say love like God loves us and like you love God.  God sees exactly who you are and loves you still, we don’t have to worry about losing this unconditional love.  But loving another is different because we can get hurt.  This is why we have to choose carefully or judge in a sense who we decide to connect ourselves with on that level.  God doesn’t want us to get hurt so He understands this act of discernment.

Love’s requirement is that we muster the courage to become totally vulnerable to one another.  The risk in that is huge.  Without honesty this doesn’t work.  Dishonesty in this requirement leads to the very cynicism that plagued many of us and produced the competitive games we play for each other’s hearts.  More often you see people hide and feel extreme loneliness or rely on self-deception, then you see the actions of true love.  We are only entitled to receive what we are prepared to give.  This simple truth is the reasoning behind most of our dissatisfactions with those we choose for ourselves to be our partners, they are reflections of our limitations.  How much are you prepared to give in order to receive?

My motto:  “You GET to make a living…and you GIVE to make a life.”

The third aspect of happiness…something to look forward to is easy once you have figured out the first two.  If you have things to do that bring meaning into your life, and good relationships based off of truth and sacrifice…you have a lot to look forward to.

Recipe for Happiness:

 

1 tsp. calculated risk

2 cups of honesty

1 box of courage 

1 qt. of sacrifice/love

1 gallon of meaningful doing

2 lbs. of giving without expectation

Sprinkle with optimism and hope (not wishful thinking)

 

Bake on high with a humble eye 😉