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This poem was inspired by the past few years of economic struggle…for those who have lost their jobs, can’t find new ones, lost loved ones, have suffered injustice, and everyone who is hurting because of the times that we have to face.  My message to you:  don’t give up, God IS there and He will provide.  I know this from personal experience.  He always does.  Always remember that no matter what you are NOT alone.

Always Hope

Hope is fading but I am still holding on by a thread. 

God wants me to hold on and make

me over and the Devil wants me dead. 

Keep Breathing….Keep Walking….Keep Pressing.  

Why do we wait so long before Confessing? 

I’m starving for Truth…for Meaning…for SOMETHING that feels Right. 

He said to Walk by Faith and not by Sight. 

Well I am God and I’m starting to question whether all of the Sacrifice is for nothing. 

Whether the blessings and peace are even coming.

…or did I do it all wrong? 

Maybe I am just a broken record playing the same old song. 

God please give me strength to keep going, please carry me across the sand. 

This is me begging…please take my hand. 

Ok, we all do it, but it’s time to man up. Put down the rock you were about to throw at the people in your life that you allow to frustrate you, and take a good look in the mirror. Yeah, people screw up, people make mistakes, people do wrong things…but who are we do judge them when we screw up, we make mistakes, and we do wrong things sometimes? You want to really learn how to love, love like God does, without judgment, without condition…love them through whatever they are going through, even if it hurts you. Even if it seems likes they are being evil. It is possible to set healthy boundaries and not take on their problems but still love them. That’s just not the most obvious thing we want to do…we want to grab ahold of them and make them stop, or make them behave in a more loving way. But that is not our job. That’s God’s job. I’m not saying to allow people to hurt you, of course, if it is too hard to be around them without being able to establish a healthy boundary, then you must back away and love them from a distance.

I know it’s easier to blame the people in our lives hurting us and wallow in it, waiting endlessly for them to stop and see what they are doing, but it is NOT the way, the truth, or the light. Everything from what family we are born into down to every person in our lives is OUR CHOICE. We put them there to learn something. So man up, look in the mirror, and say I chose this path for a reason, what can I learn from it? And how can I handle it the way God would want me to? Sometimes I even sit in a quiet place when I am just at my wits end and say God…speak…I’m listening. Then I listen for His instruction. He usually tells me always just to love. Love myself, love others, and speak and act out of this love, no matter what is happening. I don’t always listen but I’m learning to. I’m human, and so are you.Furthermore…unhappiness and happiness are both personal, conscious choices and we have the ability to choose whatever we want. I’ve been struggling with this concept as I have not been able to be happy much of the time without someone loving me. After realizing how deeply I’ve been only hurting myself all these years, I finally realized what was stopping me from choosing happiness without someone making me happy, I didn’t believe I deserved to be loved unconditionally, and I didn’t love myself unconditionally. These destructive beliefs we carry sometimes are so deep-routed and have been there since childbirth, that it takes a long time and deep reflection to be able to uncover what they are and how to let them go or change them. My mom told me the other day that when I was born my family didn’t come see me at the hospital, they were so excited about my brother’s birth a year before, that they didn’t think or feel much about another baby for some reason. They didn’t care much either when I got home from the hospital or even throughout my life, even though my mother did. This somehow planted these unhealthy beliefs about not deserving love deep inside my subconscious. I am 32 now so it took that many years to uncover such an important piece of my life puzzle, one that directed my emotional system and caused many years of disease and suffering. You see when your subconscious map isn’t in line with the ground you are walking on, you will feel overwhelming degrees of sadness, anger, betrayal, and even lost and this makes it almost impossible to ever choose happiness even if we wanted to. Because we are not ultimately being ourselves. And we discover who we are when we love ourselves unconditionally. When we realize that God is love and God lives in us and through us, that when our map lines up with the ground again. I was loving God unconditionally but hating myself, constantly at war, without peace. I was a walking paradox.
So when someone cuts you off when you’re driving, love them anyway. When your significant other is being selfish and hurting you, love them anyway. When your children are not behaving how you raised them to, love them anyway….The real happy place comes when you just focus on your own problems. Look in your mirror and reflect on your good and your bad…then love yourself unconditionally. Even if you don’t like your hair, or your weight, or your lack of motivation at times…love yourself anyway. Being selfless and having the ability to really help others is a lot easier when we are healthy, when we are humble, and when we are in that place of living out of love. A great friend once told me that ultimately, each one of our journeys here on earth has only ever been about learning to love ourselves first, fully, and unconditionally, as God loves us. If we accomplish only this in our lifetime we have succeeded.

Be an extension of God’s love –>all the dis’s will fade away (disharmony, dislike, disease….) and all the pro’s will come your way (progress, promises, protection, and providence).

Say this affirmation out loud three times then use your inner voice and say it three times with your eyes closed: “I know exactly who I am when I love myself unconditionally.”


We are taught to face reality way before we are taught that we must create our own reality.  Life is strange that way.  Almost seems backwards.  But I think it is to show us what we must do exactly to change things.  If we don’t know the bad how are we to determine what is good?  It’s the whole duality of life.  Without sadness we would not know what happiness even looked like.  And without failure we would not know what success really is. We don’t really know better until after we have walked down the path of not knowing better.  So looking back in order to project a new future, I have learned that I must move forward with a reality I want to create.  And the only reality that truly exists through my eyes is the one I have focused into being.  Same goes for you, we all create our own realities.

Statistics tell us supposed “facts” based off of past experiences.  But what statistics are about any reality created right at this moment?  None.  If nothing is impossible with God why do we constantly rely, make inferences, and base our decisions off of observable averages of past behaviors to predict the future outcomes of unobservable quantities?  Often setting into motion the very things we do not want, instead of stating exactly what it is we want and believing in God not man.  The more I learn, the more I realize that any one piece of information may be true, but ultimately it is a narrow-minded way of operating.  Opening our minds, hearts, and souls to God and letting Him instruct us is really the only valid way to learn anything of true value, of truth in general.  Through Christ and Christ alone we must put all our understanding, all of our hope, and all of our will…not man and not knowledge from man.

 “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

I’ve learned a great deal these past few months on this new journey that God has laid out for me.  It has been hard at times, painful even…but it also has been wondrous and exciting and the closest I’ve felt to being near God since I was a child.  There are so many things that are thrown into your path to teach you when you finally wake up and want to create a reality that is your own instead of letting life control you. Everything I have learned and am still learning I can’t possibly write it all out although I wish I could. However, I can say this…it all starts with now and the conscious decision to do God’s will and discover your true purpose in this life.  Once you’ve made that decision, stand up and start walking in the spirit.  Be prepared for anything to come your way by putting on God’s armor (Ephesians 6:11-13) and don’t sway or back down, just keep going.  There is nothing—no thought, action, or belief—on your path you choose that is so severe that you can’t go back a few steps and reverse it, choosing another path.  I close my eyes, ask God to guide me, and pretend I am typing out (creating) my life on how I want it to go.  When it starts getting uncomfortable and I find myself struggling or getting ill, I picture me pushing control+alt+delete on the keyboard, ending the process I have created for myself that isn’t working.  Then I pray at that very moment and say…”Lord…speak, I’m listening…”  And He then tells me where to go from there.  You’ll be amazed once you try this to see all of the things fall into place and how you don’t have to do anything to put them there besides closing your eyes and asking God for them to appear.



Lord, I pray for our unity, our hearts not to be troubled and filled with fear of man, but only fear of you God.  Help us to not fall into false traps that lead astray and also help us to help one another and not speak out of anger but out of LOVE to one another.  We trust you with all of our hearts, souls, spirits, and strength and know you will protect us from evil and guide us on your narrow path.  Help us to open the eyes of our hearts and minds and not fall into judgmental or ignorant patterns of thinking, but instead keep our hearts and minds filled with the knowledge and wisdom that is of God and God alone.  We love you God and we love each other as we love You and You love us…unconditionally. 

Ephesians 4

I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called.  With all the lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in LOVE.  Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of PEACE.  There is ONE body, and one Spirit as ye are called in one hope of your calling;  ONE Lord, ONE Faith, ONE baptism.  ONE God and Father of ALL, who is above ALL, and in you ALL.  But unto every one of us is given GRACE according to the measure of the gift of Christ.  Wherefore he saith, when he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men.  Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the lower parts of the earth?  He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill ALL things.  And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers.  For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ.  Until we ALL come in the UNITY of the FAITH, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ:  That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine by the sleight of man, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in LOVE, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.  From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by which every joint supplieth according to the affect working in the measure of every part maketh increase of the body onto the edifying of itself in LOVE.  This I say therefore the testify in the Lord that ye henceforth walk as other gentiles, walk in the vanity of their mind.  Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them because of the blindness of their heart.  Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.  But ye have not so learned Christ; If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus:  That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the Spirit of your MIND.  And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.  Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor; for we are members one of another.  Be ye angry and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath:  neither give place to the devil.  Let him that stole steal no more; but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.  Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.  And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.  Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:   And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christs’ sake hath forgiven you. 










Inspired by Doctor Gordon Livingston, a great man of insight, and my new life in North Carolina 

The three components to happiness are:

  1. Something to Do– useful/meaningful work
  2. Someone to Love– sustaining relationships
  3. Something to Look Forward To– promise of pleasure

How many of you go to the doctor because you told that your consistent unhappiness is a result of a chemical imbalance?  Why is that?  Because it is easier to pin it on science than the fact that it is just too difficult to change the way we look at living with an eye for CHANGE.  Happiness is not as simple as a boost of hormones or an absence of despair…it is an favorable state in which our lives have both meaning and pleasure.

How much do you rely on what you want?…what you intend?  These are dreams and wishes and are of little value in changing our mood.  Although it is good to have dreams and wants, they should not be in the front seat driving, they should be a guide or navigator.  If they are driving you will constantly feel impatient, discouraged, and build up hardness in your heart because we can’t always get what we want when we want it.  Use your dreams as a guide, be grateful for what you already have, and then focus on the moment and what little things you can do to make you happy.

Proverbs 13:2- “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”  

We are not what we say, what we think, what we eat, how we feel…we are what we do.  Our behavior shapes who we are.  Yes we must think and feel to figure out our next moves…but it is mainly our actions that make up your true self.  Do you find yourself mostly thinking and talking, or actually walking?

Ponder this…how many people say they are good people that never lie, cheat, steal, or judge…but in reality, their actions portray different?  When all is said and done, more is said than done.  In relationships we must also pay attention not to what they promise to us, but how they behave.  This simple rule could prevent much pain and misunderstandings…the viruses of human relationships.  How many times do we have to feel surprised or betrayed because of this very truth before we start paying attention to their actions more than their words?  Past behavior is the most reliable predictor of future behavior.  Yes some people change and it is not fair to judge harshly.  Trust, but verify.  Keep your eyes open to caution signs and lines of communication open regarding these signs.  If they don’t want to talk about it, this usually tells me they have not yet changed.

This concept to me is the reason behind the boredom pandemic of this generation which leads to an unquenchable thirst for entertainment and stimulation that is devoid of meaning.  Many are afraid of the risks it takes to improve their lives…choosing the bland, repetitive, and predictable (comfort zone) actions.  There are a lot of actions that we could be doing instead that give us the feeling of personal significance…whether it be golf, avocations that lend meaning to our lives, or volunteering.  It’s not the activity, or the weight (small or large), it is how it makes you feel that matters.  If you don’t know what makes you happy, go out and try new things until you find ones that do.  While doing this, ask yourself each time if you feel a sense of significance or meaning because of it?

That covers the something to do aspect of happiness, now let’s look at someone to love.  Many of us have difficulty in defining love.  So I will keep it simple…love is when the importance of someone else’s needs or desires either rises to the level of your own, or exceeds it.  The more they exceed, the deeper you love them.  Yes, love is sacrifice.  Think about what you would do in a situation where it were you and them in a dangerous situation, would you risk your life to protect them, or are you just “saying” that?  This is why the truth is the path to love…knowing you truly do love someone, and would sacrifice for them without doubt…leads to feelings of love…and this leads to actions.  How do know if someone truly loves us?…look at their behaviors…do they demonstrate their love for you in their actions towards you?  (quality time, putting your needs ahead of theirs, show you respect and kindness?)

I am guilty of being a wishful thinker…carrying around inside of me the idea of a perfect love, unqualified acceptance by another, and lifelong happiness.  This makes me quite vulnerable to the worst kinds of deceptions and disillusionment, an indulgence of the hope that I have found the person that will endlessly love me exactly as I am…ignoring any incongruent behaviors that are contrary to true love.  So to speak I have loved the truck that ran over me…

God is LOVE, and the only path to God is in truth…especially in being completely honest with yourself and others…this is real love, not just affection or adoration.  Therefore I say love like God loves us and like you love God.  God sees exactly who you are and loves you still, we don’t have to worry about losing this unconditional love.  But loving another is different because we can get hurt.  This is why we have to choose carefully or judge in a sense who we decide to connect ourselves with on that level.  God doesn’t want us to get hurt so He understands this act of discernment.

Love’s requirement is that we muster the courage to become totally vulnerable to one another.  The risk in that is huge.  Without honesty this doesn’t work.  Dishonesty in this requirement leads to the very cynicism that plagued many of us and produced the competitive games we play for each other’s hearts.  More often you see people hide and feel extreme loneliness or rely on self-deception, then you see the actions of true love.  We are only entitled to receive what we are prepared to give.  This simple truth is the reasoning behind most of our dissatisfactions with those we choose for ourselves to be our partners, they are reflections of our limitations.  How much are you prepared to give in order to receive?

My motto:  “You GET to make a living…and you GIVE to make a life.”

The third aspect of happiness…something to look forward to is easy once you have figured out the first two.  If you have things to do that bring meaning into your life, and good relationships based off of truth and sacrifice…you have a lot to look forward to.

Recipe for Happiness:


1 tsp. calculated risk

2 cups of honesty

1 box of courage 

1 qt. of sacrifice/love

1 gallon of meaningful doing

2 lbs. of giving without expectation

Sprinkle with optimism and hope (not wishful thinking)


Bake on high with a humble eye😉


What Do You Want?

As I’m sitting here waiting out and fighting through yet another storm, I wonder what it is I can do different this time.  What can I do so I don’t end up back here?  Maybe these times are just learning lessons and here to shape who God wants us to truly be.  Accepting that makes it a whole lot easier to endure, but no one likes this torment.

So here’s what I do:  I ask God to show me what it is He wants me to learn.  I ask Him for strength.  Then I ask Him to guide me to where I need to go from here.  Then finally I make a list, of what it is I truly want out of life.  I picture myself living this life and actually feel like I already am–I believe I will receive it (hope).  Then I say everything I am grateful for and then wait patiently, keeping my eyes open to what it is I am looking for.  If it is God’s will for me to have it, He puts it right in my path and opens the doors for me to receive.

Matthew 21:22- “And whatever you ask in prayer, if you believe, you will receive.”

Luke 11:10- “For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Mark 11:24- “For this reason I tell you, whatever you pray and ask for, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

These are just a few verses from the gospels that give us the instruction on how to receive what it is that we truly want.  We can’t just make a list and expect it to come.  We have to ask, believe that we will receive it, and actively seek what is that we are trying to find.  

Years ago I read an enlightening book called “the Secret.”  And as much as I was not impressed with how it was seeking to make a fortune on elaborating what God has already told us in the Bible, it was said in a way that helped me to truly see what it is I must do to get out my rut.  So I am still a fan.  The movie was great too because it helped illustrate the key points.  My belief is that God is number one, the creator of science, so science is a tool that can be useful also.  Here’s what the Secret taught me:

The Law of Attraction is always working and everything that comes into your life you attract into your life.  This is because of the Law of Vibration which states that everything in the universe is in constant motion.  Therefore, we can move into a positive or negative vibration pattern.  Feelings are just conscious awareness of being in this vibration pattern.  By utilizing our imagination and creating pictures in our mind we are sending out thought waves– which penetrate all space and time.

…We are the architects of our own life!

The first time I made a list of what I really wanted it mostly consisted of monetary items.  Things that would make me happy for the time being, but would that be enough?  NO.  This led me to reevaluate what it is I truly believe.  After all, our beliefs create out thoughts.  Once I dug deep, I wrote another list based off of my beliefs and this is what I came up with:

What I Want Most in Life

Connection- Be close to God and grow everyday toward Him

Purpose- To know God’s purpose for me and fulfill it

True Love- (spiritual, emotional, and physical)

Family- For Kayla (my daughter) to have a great life and always be safe, healthy, and happy

Success- To make a difference, achieve something great, and help others achieve success too

Stability- in positive thinking (choosing to be happy even when its hard)

Balance- in every aspect of my life

Wisdom and Knowledge- as much as possible

Beauty- inside and out- to glow again

Healing- physical and emotional and to truly love who I am (confidence)

Peace- to feel the calmness and have the ability to open my eyes and see the beauty in life each day

Meaningful Friendships- built off trust and understanding

Forgiveness- To forgive all those who hurt me in my life and let go of it, even me

Gratitude- To always be grateful and try my best to not hurt anyone

Compassion- To be more giving and compassionate and not let the world get to me

Health- To feel no pain or less pain and have energy

Fun- To have fun, laugh, and love as much as I can

Money- enough to not have to worry so I can focus on the above more

I thought to myself, if I had all of these things it wouldn’t matter where I lived or if I had all the material items I wanted, because I would be truly happy.  

Then I doubted myself.  I doubted that I deserved all these things because of unhealthy thought patterns from my childhood.  I found this quote (below) which helped me see that I must allow myself to have what it is I truly want.  I must love myself again and forgive so I can believe that I deserve it.  God forgives me, He always does…so why shouldn’t I?

“No matter how qualifying and deserving you are, you will never reach a better life until you can imagine it for yourself, and until you allow yourself to have it.”

With that being said…What is it that you truly want?


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